Q: What will keep the apes from
rebelling against their masters in a grisly and bloody
revolt, ultimately enslaving all of humanity?
A: Good question! Rest assured that we here in apemobile
have considered and planned for such an event. Upon creation
the apes are injected with a virus that will kill them after
exactly 10 years. So, in the unlikely event that the
apes do overthrow humanity, it will only be for about 10 years
or so. We guarantee that the virus will not hinder
the performance of the apes until 30 seconds before time
of death, in which case the ape will gyrate uncontrollably
in a hilarious display that will entertain young and old alike.
Q: Your apes look stylish comfortable,
but what about people who are allergic to ape hair?
A: Apemoblie has taken every type of person into consideration,
including freaks, when designing our ape-cars. For a while
we pondered letting the 'problem' go unchecked and let
natural selection run it's course, but we eventually decided
to offer a hairless model as an alternative.
A: Ape Cars must be the greatest invention since the wheel!
But what about those nasty animal rights activists?
Q: In addition to the normal staff required to run
an ape car dealership, we will also employ secret police that will seek out
and deprogram the minds of the misfortunate by-products of society that
we have come to know as animal rights activists.
Q: Sometimes I get lonely when I'm driving by myself on
long road trips. Will my ape car be able to keep me company?
A: Sadly we were forced to compromise the ape's
ability to formulate coherent speech to minimize the risk of an apish
rebellion. However, since passengers will not have to worry about steering,
we have included an interactive computer system to give the illusion of
human contact.
Q: What happens when the apes get into accidents?
A: Well dummy, what happens when cars get into accidents?
The difference is that when two cars collide there is a very dangerous amount
of twisted metal and broken glass. When two apes collide, or even when
an ape collides with a brick wall, there is a large amount of soft, cushy ape
flesh protecting the passengers.
